This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
