Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I FOUND THE LEGS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
