I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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