When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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