dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
