just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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