ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
