matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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