EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
