tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
