That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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