Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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