Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
