So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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