My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize