I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Blood and glitter go together right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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