They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
