this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
