I got chris browned last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
