But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
