My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
