just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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