i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This show inspires me to have sex in space
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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