I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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