I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
