He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize