He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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