Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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