Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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