found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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