He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
