I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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