it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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