Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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