I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
honey bunches of taint.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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