Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
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I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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