I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
