Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
