If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How's work?
Spinning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
