I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
should my penis look like a turkey
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
