just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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