you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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