I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
