I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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