Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
