dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im six kinds of drunk right now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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