he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
