Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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