D3 body, D1 cock
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
