yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
