What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
