Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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