i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
