we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
