Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
where are you?
Hypothermia
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
