Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
