we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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