This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He? As in you personified your dick?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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