Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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