We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
