even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
