You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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