So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
