We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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